God has been teaching me so much about contentment. I have felt and noticed so much unrest in my soul recently. I believe it comes from a place of 'wish' a place of discontentment. When I am with people, I crave solitude. Yet when I am alone, I crave fellowship. My position of unrest then, must not be coming from my circumstances, as I presume, but from a deep unrest that must be dethroned. I believe my unrest stems from a part of me not right in my relationship with God. It always seems to work itself out and reveal its ugly head in relationship with others, yet the root problem lies with my relationship to the Father. God says I lack no good thing if I fear Him (Ps. 34:10), yet my flesh screams I am being deprived, so where is the disconnect? The disconnect then must be in my perception of my 'needs.' God says He will supply all my needs and provide, yet I don't feel like that is true, so it's my perspective that must change instead of my present circumstance. Contentment is therefore based on my perspective, not circumstance. If I am able to learn this lesson now, how much joy and peace I will carry with me throughout my days. Thank you Lord for this lesson, please give me your perspective.
I see the same to be true in any circumstance I feel 'forced' into. I love camping, sleeping outdoors and living off minimal supplies. Yet in Vanuatu, we stayed in huts with no running water and I felt miserable. So what was the difference? Not my circumstances, those remained the same (sleeping on the ground, sleeping outside); it was in my perspective, my ability or lack there of to choose my accommodation. In one situation, outdoor living is viewed as a luxurious escape from reality and convenience. In the other, it feels like a primitive cage. The difference: my perspective.
The same holds true with solitude. If I am choosing solitude, it's beautiful, restful and relaxing. Yet if I feel forced into solitude back a lack of friends or things to do, I feel lonely and rejected. The difference: my perspective.
To learn contentment then, seems like one of life's greatest treasures and most difficult feats. Contentment runs alongside humility. Humility is having God's perspective on everything, on my identity, my circumstances, my needs, etc. Without humility, contentment lies far from reach. We must ask God continually for His perspective. To pray that God would reveal to us we need nothing but Christ, yet in Him, we possess everything.
To be content requires us to flee from comparison and jealousy, to be in a continually position of gratitude and thank God for what we have been entrusted to steward, whether it be health, relationships, or a simple skill. To be content requires a consistent heart of gratitude, it requires us to acknowledge that every good gift is not given to us because we are deserving, but because God is good, kind and generous.
I believe one of the reasons for my discontentment is because my standards are too high for my life and what it should look like. I have unconsciously placed my self-worth in my business, popularity and responsibility at different times. Yet God tells me my worthiness comes from Him alone. So my striving for relationship or activity is coming from a strong sense of a need to feel worthy, to be wanted. If only I would begin to understand how much my Father desires me and wants me. Jeremiah 3:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love and drawn you in with loving kindness."
God please forgive me for placing unrealistic demands on you, myself and others. Please forgive me for going to others to fulfill my twisted sense of worthiness. You said that I am worthy and you sent your son to die to show the extent of this. Please change our perspective Lord. Help us to have a truthful perspective of our needs, of your gifts. Please continue to reveal to us how much you love us and delight in us. We love you.
