You give and take away...

Wow, the Lord has taken me through quite the stripping process in the past couple months. Over Christmas break, I had a great plan and thought that this was definitely the Lord's plans too. My plan was to be an adventure guide in Colorado this summer and then go to New Zealand for YWAM in the fall. I felt the Lord leading me to both of these programs. I believe sometimes the Lord asks you to be obedient knowing that you will fail. This was a really hard lesson for me to swallow. I am driven by results, by success. Do I desire the Lord or do I desire success? From the very beginning I prayed that the Lord's will would be done. Looking back on my experience I think it was easy to pray this prayer because I was convinced I knew what the Lord's will was, His will was my will b/c He gave it to me...or not.

By January, my plans were not panning out the way I had hoped. New Zealand responded and told me that there was no way the program I had applied for was going to run this year because they had no leader. I still felt like the Lord was calling me to YWAM, so I started my search again. I landed on two programs in Australia, one starting in August and the other in October. Although I wanted to do the one in August more, I was not willing to give up guiding this summer, so I applied for the later one. By February, I was well underway with the hiring process for the guide position. I had my interview and was told that I must wait a month before I heard back from them. And so the waiting began...

By the first week of March I was a mess. I wanted this job so bad I couldn't stand it. I was terrified of what rejection would feel like. Not just from a job, but from my passions. I have such passion for Outdoor Ministry. A couple days before they contacted me, the Lord asked me how I would feel if my friend (who was also applying) got the job, and I did not. I told the Lord I would be devastated, I would be a mess. That weekend, the Lord took me through a stripping process. The Lord had to make sure that I was still His #1 desire, that I desired Him above any position or passion. It's funny how easy it is to let Godly desires and passions get in the way of loving God. By early the next week the Lord had prepared me to hear the answer I had dreaded a few days prior. My first reaction was disappointment and great sadness, but the Lord had prepared me and I was almost immediately filled with peace. I chose to meditate on Isaiah 30:21

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'this is the way, walk in it.'"

As soon as I was denied the summer position, the Lord brought back the other Australia program that I had wanted to apply for originally. I contacted them and said that I wanted to consider switching my application. Before I could blink, I was accepted to the program and filled with excitement, joy and peace. I am ready and willing to start this new adventure with the Lord! So, I will be leaving in August to embark on a new journey, filled with new lessons, new obstacles, new relationships, and new insights. The Lord is good.