dark places.

I wrote this a couple days ago.

It’s been 15 years today.  I remember playing on the playground and seeing the smoke rise in the distance.  I remember being picked up mid-day from school with my brother and feeling confused about the stray from routine.  I remember seeing an endless line of emergency vehicles.  I remember seeing what was left of my house smoking in a pile of ashes.  I remember people telling me my brother and Gram had only gone on a walk and they would be back shortly.  I remember the pain in my stomach when I realized they were never coming home.  I remember someone cradling me as I cried and felt as though I was dying on the inside.  I remember the sound of my Dad’s cry hurt me the most.  I remember the feeling of despair, wondering if the pain would ever cease.  I remember my mom not being able to be awake without crying.  I remember the days that passed wondering if life would ever be normal again.  I remember the funeral with two caskets.  I remember being grateful I had turned back that morning to give Gram a kiss goodbye.  I remember people being so generous, yet not knowing how to respond to the depth of our grief.  I remember thinking if God wasn’t real I would quit, right then and there.  I remember locking my heart away in a box and living in a shallow state of numbness for fear my wounded heart would bleed to death if not kept safe. 

I have forgotten most of the next 8 years.

I remember the time I first decided to share my story again.  I remember peering into that box and feeling a wave of grief hit me like a tsunami, like an infected wound being re-opened.  I remember wondering what I had done, yet relieved I could breathe normally again.  I remember the years that followed, slowing opening the box, but always being sure not to open it too far as I still feared bleeding to death.  What I didn’t realize is that it is impossible to fully live with your heart in a box.  Without outside connection there is no blood flow, no life-giving support.  I thought the box would keep me safe, when in reality, it was slowly killing me.  I remember finally realizing that in order to heal, I had to bleed.  From this point on, the bleeding seemed a bit more tolerable because I could now see the benefit.  I remember times of distinct healing taking place in the midst of intense bleeding.  I remember the day God began to replace the darkness with light, when blood began to flow again.  I remember the day God showed me how much He had cried with my family.  I remember the day God told me it was never His intention to have an empty chair at the dinner table.  I remember the day I no longer felt the deep pain of despair.  I remember the first time I got to hold someone after losing a loved one and realized this is what it’s about.  I remember the first time I forgave myself for putting my heart in a box and the freedom that came with relief.  I remember the first time I felt gratitude for the tragedy because I saw the intimacy with my Creator it had produced. 

I like to think I open my box a bit more each day, and every day there is less and less bleeding.  The wound will live as an eternal reminder of my story, my journey.  To be honest, I wouldn’t trade my story for a second, knowing there is nothing greater than the intimacy and trust produced from walking through dark places, only to realize the light was walking next to you the whole time.

contentment.

God has been teaching me so much about contentment.  I have felt and noticed so much unrest in my soul recently.  I believe it comes from a place of 'wish' a place of discontentment.  When I am with people, I crave solitude.  Yet when I am alone, I crave fellowship.  My position of unrest then, must not be coming from my circumstances, as I presume, but from a deep unrest that must be dethroned.  I believe my unrest stems from a part of me not right in my relationship with God.  It always seems to work itself out and reveal its ugly head in relationship with others, yet the root problem lies with my relationship to the Father.  God says I lack no good thing if I fear Him (Ps. 34:10), yet my flesh screams I am being deprived, so where is the disconnect?  The disconnect then must be in my perception of my 'needs.'  God says He will supply all my needs and provide, yet I don't feel like that is true, so it's my perspective that must change instead of my present circumstance.  Contentment is therefore based on my perspective, not circumstance.  If I am able to learn this lesson now, how much joy and peace I will carry with me throughout my days.  Thank you Lord for this lesson, please give me your perspective.

I see the same to be true in any circumstance I feel 'forced' into.  I love camping, sleeping outdoors and living off minimal supplies.  Yet in Vanuatu, we stayed in huts with no running water and I felt miserable.  So what was the difference?  Not my circumstances, those remained the same (sleeping on the ground, sleeping outside); it was in my perspective, my ability or lack there of to choose my accommodation.  In one situation, outdoor living is viewed as a luxurious escape from reality and convenience.  In the other, it feels like a primitive cage.  The difference: my perspective.

The same holds true with solitude.  If I am choosing solitude, it's beautiful, restful and relaxing.  Yet if I feel forced into solitude back a lack of friends or things to do, I feel lonely and rejected.  The difference: my perspective.

To learn contentment then, seems like one of life's greatest treasures and most difficult feats.  Contentment runs alongside humility.  Humility is having God's perspective on everything, on my identity, my circumstances, my needs, etc.  Without humility, contentment lies far from reach.  We must ask God continually for His perspective.  To pray that God would reveal to us we need nothing but Christ, yet in Him, we possess everything.

To be content requires us to flee from comparison and jealousy, to be in a continually position of gratitude and thank God for what we have been entrusted to steward, whether it be health, relationships, or a simple skill.  To be content requires a consistent heart of gratitude, it requires us to acknowledge that every good gift is not given to us because we are deserving, but because God is good, kind and generous.

I believe one of the reasons for my discontentment is because my standards are too high for my life and what it should look like.  I have unconsciously placed my self-worth in my business, popularity and responsibility at different times.  Yet God tells me my worthiness comes from Him alone.  So my striving for relationship or activity is coming from a strong sense of a need to feel worthy, to be wanted.  If only I would begin to understand how much my Father desires me and wants me.  Jeremiah 3:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love and drawn you in with loving kindness."

God please forgive me for placing unrealistic demands on you, myself and others.  Please forgive me for going to others to fulfill my twisted sense of worthiness.  You said that I am worthy and you sent your son to die to show the extent of this.  Please change our perspective Lord.  Help us to have a truthful perspective of our needs, of your gifts.  Please continue to reveal to us how much you love us and delight in us.  We love you.

much, much more.

Sorry I haven't updated the blog in quite some time, I will do my best to update it more often:)  God has been teaching me so much here and I want to continue to share with you what He's been teaching, that maybe He has a similar revelation in store for you.  I pray that as you read God speaks to you, reveals Himself to you and you begin to see more and more truth.

A group of us were reading Romans 5 the other day.  I love Romans, it makes so much sense for me and really lays out what the gospel means and does.  When we were reading, I began to see so much grace.  Paul talks of our sins, our past life a number of times, but each time, he basically says, 'yeah, but how much more grace is there than sin.'  I grew up believing I was a Sinner and that would never change.  Of course Satan wants us to continue to believe we are nothing, but Sinners; and without Jesus this is true.  But this is not the case, Jesus has come and redeemed us, made us new!  Satan wants us to continue to believe that we are Sinners, because then we will never become anything different, we will never accomplish what God has for us.  We will remain a beggar in the streets while God is calling us to be His kings and queens.

God has revealed to me more and more over the last few years that we are no longer Sinners, but Saints!  How cool is that!  Not because I am good or worthy, etc. but because Jesus has justified me and "seated me at the right hand of the throne of God," Ephesians 2:6.  The reality is that you are already perfect, you just have to journey with God and see the outworking of that here on Earth.  So when we do sin; that's actually not who we are anymore; that's our 'old self' but we have been given a 'new self.'  We are children of the Most High God, lets start living that way and become who God created us to be.

Back in Brisbane.

On Thursday we landed in Brisbane, Australia.  We were a bit tired and jet-lagged, but we were home.  We were a bit shocked by the heat and humidity here, but I'm not complaining:)  As of today, all our outreach teams have arrived back safely.

We had a great time finishing the outreach in Cusco.  One of the churches we helped and partnered with gave us a farewell lunch party and said thanks.  The last couple days we prayed and worshiped over the city and did a bit more kids ministry.

Overall, we were so grateful for our time in Cusco and on the Inca Trail.  I know so much more was done in the spiritual realm in and through us, even more than what we experienced and saw.  When we landed in Peru the first time, God said, "Things are not as though they appear."  God taught me so much about His reality.  We are faced with the choice of perspective daily.  We can choose to see the world around us as reality or we can choose to see God's reality.  On days where I was tempted to be down or discouraged, God reminded of Psalm 32:10 "The Lord's unfailing love surrounds those who trust Him."  When I feel attacked or discouraged about something, I can choose to take the perspective of the world I see, or I can choose to believe that God's unfailing love is surrounding me, even if I don't feel it.  So often we base our perspective on our emotions, but God wants our stability to be deeper than our emotions, He wants us to be unshakable in Him.  Choose to believe what God says about you.  What is He saying about you right now?  What is His perspective?  Take a moment to ask Him, He wants to tell you, He's trying to tell you, all you must do is listen.  God speaks loud enough to those who are listening.

Thank you so much for all your support and prayers, we appreciate you so much!

Merry Christmas!

Feliz Navidad and Happy New year!  We celebrated Peru with the other YWAM missionaries here yesterday (Caters, for those of you who know them).  Thank you so much for all your support and prayers, you are such a blessing in my life.  The mission here wouldn't be possible without all of you.  We went to a Christmas Eve service at a local Peruvian church and enjoyed the traditional fruit cake and hot chocolate here.  On the night of Christmas Eve, we were able to hand out around 25 blankets, 200 sandwiches and 200 juice boxes to homeless people in Cusco.  We were able to make contact and see people we've talked to previously and they were overjoyed to get blankets and food on Christmas.

We had some great conversations with people about Jesus on the Inka Trail to Machu Picchu.  We spent 4 days with people, hiking and talking.  Some people were so open and curious about our faith and relationship with Jesus, they seemed so interested in what we were doing and what it looked like to have relationship with God.  After coming back, we managed to be involved in 4 chocolatadas.  A chocolatada is when people go out to a poor village and give them hot chocolate, bread and clothes for Christmas.  We also get the chance to tell them about God and talk with them more if they would like.

We have one more week here in Cusco before returning back to Brisbane.  We've really enjoyed our time here and God has continued to move on our behalf and on behalf of the city.  Please continue to pray for us to finish strong and end our time here well as we continue to seek God's face and everything He has for us here.

Peru!

We have officially been in Peru for 2 weeks.  We are sitting at 11,500 feet elevation; the first couple days we got here I couldn't stand up without panting, I felt so out of shape it was crazy!  The elevation change has been a bit better recently as our bodies have adjusted, but going up 2 flights of stairs still feels like a heavy workout:)  Cusco is beautiful, full of so much history. This city is where the Inca Empire existed during the 13th century-1532.  Mountains surround the city on every side.  The people are so warm, hospitable and welcoming.  Being here feels like taking a step back in time.

The first week we took some time to adjust to the new time zone, climate and elevation.  We have been involved in various kids and church ministries since being here.  Last week we focused on the Holy Spirit and allowed Him to guide and direct us for the week.  We spent time in worship, prayer and evangelism.  Cusco struggles with religiosity.  People have a difficult time understanding God wants a personal relationship with them and this is more important than any amount of money they could ever have.  Cusco is a city in need of prayer, God needs to do the breaking ground work in order for people's hearts to be ready to receive Him and His love.  It's God's kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4).  Please pray with us that the people of Cusco would see God's kindness.  "I have loved you with an everlasting love and drawn you in with loving-kindness" Jeremiah 31:3.

Yesterday we had a great cultural experience.  We were able to get tickets to the finals of a Peruvian soccer game.  The stands were packed with over 40,000 people attending.  The tension was so high in the arena it was crazy.  The Cusco team lost 0-1, but it was well worth the experience!

God is doing great things here in Peru, please continue to pray our team approaches this time with a heart of brokenness before God as we continue to love, serve and pray.

Pass it on Tour.

We arrived home late Saturday night after spending the past two weeks visiting two country bush towns (Oakey and Dalby) on the Pass it on Tour.  The mission is to: Pass on the wisdom of God to the next generation.  The tour is a act of intercession and running.  Our teams physically run from town to town as an act of claiming the authority and land back as God's that we have given to Satan over the years.  We do different activities throughout the week we spend in each town including after school activities, prayer walks, lecture nights, free BBQs and island dancers.  Our goal is to promote family and encourage the youth in the various country towns.

Brad's healed ankle with our team!

Our team (Peru-I'm going to Peru in Nov. if I haven't said that yet!!) started running, we ran from Towoomba to Oakey and ran a total of 40km between 7 of us in a day.  We did a couple service projects, then headed to the next town, Dalby, to prepare for the big group coming behind us.  We were able to help out at a Relay for Life festival making homemade donuts and various other projects.

making donuts for Relay for Life

On Sunday we were asked to lead an evening service at a local church. I gave the sermon, a student shared a testimony and another sang a song.  We opened it up for prayer and so many people wanted prayer. We prayed for over 20 people probably and God did some sweet stuff!  Then we prayed for this young guy Brad, he had some pulled ligaments in his ankle and God told me to pray for healing.  We experience some healing that night and praised God for the progress we saw.  Then we saw him at school the next day without crutches walking perfectly normal:)  It was so fun to see what God had done!

Overall, it was a great time of learning, serving and growth.  We planted many seeds and helped the different churches in the community connect with each other.  Thanks for your prayers, we were in desperate need of them.

team Peru!

helping out with the local youth

work projects

there is no security in what God is doing, only in who He is.

Kristina and Meghan at the Gold Coast

Idun and Meghan at the creek

We are one month into the DTS.  Things are heating up quite a bit.  I tried to send out another newsletter today, but had some technical difficulties, so I hope to get one out ASAP.  God has been doing so much in our lives.  He has been taking all of us to deeper levels of intimacy and relationship with Him.  He has been teaching so many student's about His Father heart and what it looks like to receive His love.  It's still so hard for us to believe on a regular basis that God's love is free, unconditional, no strings attached.


God has been revealing His love, but also the reality of relationship with Him.  He wants every bit of who we are, no more, no less.  He is only satisfied when we are fully relying on Him, surrendering every desire, comfort and security to Him.

We have been having some great conversations with people on our Evangelism nights in the city.  I had the chance to speak with a Hindu man for over an hour about faith and Christianity.  In the middle of the conversation he said faith was a bad thing.  Then after praying with him, he looked at me and said, "it's so good to be around people with so much faith."  Ha!  I love how God can change people so quickly!

We are leaving tomorrow to be part of a running tour around Queensland, called the "Pass it on Tour."  Check out the website for more info. www.gopassiton.org.  Thanks so much for your prayers!

and we're off.

The DTS has officially been running for over a week now.  We spent the first few days in orientation and then we left last weekend for a retreat in the mountains.  It was a great time to get away, get to know everyone and a special time of sharing testimonies.  This week we had lectures on the "Character and Nature of God."  God has so much in store for this school, we can all feel it ready to burst at the seams.  I know I am bursting with love for all the students, they are so hungry for God, so ready to dive in and face everything and anything.

I've been able to have a few adventures of my own over the past couple weeks as well.  I rented a bike a couple weeks ago and headed to the mountains.  I ended up on top of a mountain and a bit tired to say the least, but it was well worth it.  Went rock climbing downtown Brisbane with a few friends.  I went hiking yesterday at a creek and was reminded of how beautiful the Brisbane area is.  Today a couple took us up to Mt. Nebo to view the amazing overlooks in the surrounding areas.

Please pray our students do not go home.  Satan often tries to convince them early on that it's not worth the journey.  Please pray the students would respond to God and not hold back, He's ready for them, but they need to be in a place of receiving from Him.  Love you all!

trust.

Trust is such an abstract idea.  So often it seems it would be easier if trust were more concrete, but really how often are ideas concrete?  How often does God ask us to do anything by following something concrete, like a formula.  Almost never.  I am a logical thinker, that's why I enjoy math and science.  I operate on definite, observable patterns and formulas.  When I follow a formula, I know what the result will be.

I often try to make my life with God into a formula.  I would rather have Him tell me exactly what is required and what the result will be in the end.  But the problem with living life that way is that you are able to remove God completely.  You no longer need Him to direct your steps because you believe if you are following the formula, you are following Him.  I think my greatest fear is a fear of the unknown.  I question where?  Who?  What?  When?  How?  I ask God for the next 20 steps, but He never gives them to me.  He only gives me one step...the next one...the only one I need, then He asks me to trust Him and wait with Him.

One thing I know to be concrete in this life is God and His promises.  I know He has promised His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me.  He has promised to never leave me or forsake me.  He has promised He is on my side and guiding me every step of the way.  Prov. 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

I continue to learn what it looks like for me to trust God more each day.  Going to church all my life it's really easy to spit out 100 definitions, but to tell you what it looks like played out in my life is a much more difficult task.  What does it look like for you to trust God?  Are you?

unexpected blessings.

God is so good.  I love how generous our Father is to all of us children.  I am so blessed by my church here in Australia.  During DTS, I attended a church family called Nexus.  Over the course of my time there, I was so encouraged by the people, worship and teaching.  The teaching is always so challenging, yet uplifting as well.  There was a middle-age couple who decided to be our parents away from home and took us in for home-cooked meals and provided transport to and from church.  Upon returning, we have been able to re-connect with the couple and meet even more members of the church.

The sermon this morning was on sowing, in regards to Luke 6 where the Bible explains we will reap what we sow.  At the end of the service the pastor encouraged giving and had myself and two of my other friends from YWAM stand.  He explained that we do not get paid for our ministry and encouraged people to give if they felt led.  I was astonished at the generosity of the people.  We had so many people come up after the service and place money in our hands and offer us a warm smile.  It was such an unexpected blessing and only a continuation of your generosity.  Thank you so much for being a part of the journey.  May the Lord bless you as you continue to sow good seeds in others' lives.

safe arrival.

Thank you to everyone who is a part of my life.  You are each such a blessing, whether you offered an encouraging word, listening ear, prayer, or financial gift, I thank you.  I arrived safely at the base in Brisbane yesterday morning.  My goal was to stay awake until 9pm, but I was in bed by 8:30pm...jet lag.  The weather is beautiful and it's so good to be here and to see so many familiar faces again.  I feel like I am returning from my home away from home.  Thank you so much for being a part of this journey and I look forward to what the Lord has in store!  I pray the Lord surprises you with His goodness today and reminds you how much He adores you:)

flipping omelets.

A couple weeks ago, I decided I wanted to learn how to flip omelets.  I shared by goal with a friend at work and we discussed the art of flipping omelets.  We discussed how you cannot try to do a half-flip, there is no 'playing it safe' when it comes to flipping.  In order to get the desired results, you must go all-in, you must fully commit, or you will end up with a giant mess and no omelet.  In order to come out with a good omelet, there is an element of risk involved.

This is very similar to our walk with the Lord.  Jesus asks us to walk on water with Him, to do the impossible.  I think that so often we try to put one foot in the water at a time before we commit to saying 'yes.'  We want to test the water to see how it feels, if it's comfortable and safe, we choose to focus on the water and our own well-being, instead of our Savior.  But Jesus never called us to a safe and comfortable life, He said 'follow me.'  End of story. God says in Revelation 3:16 "So because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth."  If we are following Jesus, we are either in or out, there is no middle ground.  Yet just as with flipping omelets, the more risk involved, the higher the potential reward.  If we risk everything for Jesus, He promises we will be rewarded, if not in this life, but in the life to come.

This morning, I went for it and my omelet was a complete, delicious success:)

less than 2 weeks.

The date of departure is quickly approaching.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful community to support me, both in Michigan, South Carolina and all over the world.  Thank you for all of you who pray for me and give financially, you are so essential to this journey and I'm thankful for you.  I've had a great time scooping ice cream again at the Junction for the past couple months and catching up with family and friends.  I feel more ready to go as each day passes, but I'm still trying to drink in my last few days of Michigan summer.  The Lord is teaching me so much about learning to trust Him as my Provider.  I am learning more and more how important it is to "take every thought captive" and continually recite scripture to fill my mind with truth.  If our minds are filled with truth, there is no room for fear and anxiety to take over.  This has been one of my guiding verses over the past month.

"The Lord will guide you always.  He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land.  He will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose water never fails."  Isaiah 58:11

I am a little over half way with support raising, praise the Lord, but I still have a ways to go. If you're still interested in partnering with me on this journey, feel free to give even after I've left.  If you have not received any information on how to give and would like to, please email me at laurindarapp@gmail.com.

where you lead me i will follow.

After much prayer and soul-searching, I have decided to commit to staff in Brisbane, Australia for 2 years.  I am realizing more and more how much I love young people and have a desire to mentor and disciple them.  The program I will be involved with to staff is called Basic Leadership School.  During this school, we get to practice leadership hands-on, staffing two DTS's and leading outreach teams, as well as serving for a season on base.

All positions in YWAM are support-based, so I am in the process of trying to raise support to head back.  I will be leaving June 15, 2012, until then I am enjoying time with family and working at the Ice Cream Junction...again:)  Thanks for all your support!

unanswered questions.

Hey yall! I'm down in South Carolina visiting friends and family down here. I forgot how beautiful and hospitable Charleston is:) I'm down here until March 30th, then heading back to Michigan to start work at the Junction Ice Cream Shoppe again...big surprise! I found a great quote on my friends' cupboard,

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live you way into the answer. -Rainer Maria Rilke

As I continue to pray over my next step, and wrestle with the question of "what's next?" I realized a reoccurring pattern in my life. I allow unanswered questions, unresolved issues to paralyze me with fear. It's like I wait to start living again until the answer comes, as if I hold my breath while waiting for an answer, even if that means turning blue in the face and close to the point of passing out. When I do this, I am refusing the freedom God offers me. God has seen the past, present and future, but He is living with us in the present. So often we allow our minds to wander to either the past filled, with regret or we get stuck on the future and what's happening next instead of missing out on the today. "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24. So I am going to choose to live in the present, the today, breathing deeply, thanking my Savior for each breath, trusting He has a plan and He's watching out for me and I pray you do the same.

there and back again

Wow, it's hard to even begin to explain the past 7 months. God has exceeded my expectations over and over again. One of my favorite quotes is by C.S. Lewis;

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

I have seen this ring true in my life so many times. We come up to the king's table, not even really sure if we are invited to dine with Him. So, we end up asking permission to eat the leftover crumbs on the ground when God is inviting us every day to dine with Him at the King's table and share a feast. We are so afraid of being disappointed, that we're afraid to hope. When our hope is founded in the person of Jesus, we will never be disappointed; we will never get to the end of His person. God is always giving us the invitation to go deeper to let go of ourselves and sign up for a life of adventure, but it always comes with a cost. There is always a level of risk involved and we must choose to accept the risk and overcome the fear if we are to live like Jesus.

After DTS, I had a chance to go to New Zealand for a couple weeks with Nele and take some time off to process and debrief the past 6 months. It was such a blessing, so beautiful and so much fun! I have been home for almost 2 weeks now. Life is always changing, always moving, like a river and we must choose to adjust and move with the change, or we will be swept away by the current. I am still in the process of trying to figure out how to make Discipleship Training School (DTS) a lifestyle and not an event, but I'm sure I'll be trying to figure that out for quite some time. I am currently in the process of praying over my next step and taking some time to rest and visit with family and friends again. I am looking into doing a Biblical Leadership School (BLS) with YWAM in Australia or New Zealand, which includes staffing the DTS and taking a few classes of my own.

Thanks again for all your love, support and prayers!

changes.

As most of you know, I'm not the best at change. I like to be familiar with people, surroundings and the schedule; I like to have everything in control. But if you look in the Bible, when does someone actually have their life under control? The Bible is pretty unexpected and full of change if you ask me. As I've gotten older, it seems like I've been put in more and more positions where I need to be okay with change; this is no exception.

On the last road trip, we traveled to 5 locations in 4 weeks. We started in Byron Bay, a hippie, backpacker town where we were able to talk with a couple from Belgium about God and help them with some physical needs they had. Everyone was so open to God in that town and it was so relaxed; it was great! Plus, we had a chance to go surfing at sunrise one day.

From there, we went to Fingal Heads, which is Aboriginal ground. We stayed at an Aboriginal church and led the service for them on Sunday. We also got to take a hike and see the actual Fingle Heads, which were pretty cool.

Then we traveled by car ferry over to Stradbroke Island for Spritual Warfare teaching and 'Survivor' games. The beach was beautiful and it was a great weeks for teams to address strengths and weaknesses. We also saw so much wildlife! We saw a koala, bald eagle, shark, sea turtles, dolphins and schools of fish. I got to pet and pick up the koala:)

We went from the Beach to the Bush once again and headed to a ranch in Toowoomba where we learned about missions for the week. The weather turned warm very quickly, but there was a mud swimming hole at the top of the hill we cooled off in almost every afternoon. It w

as great just to be out in nature alone with our school again. I had the privilege of spe

aking the sermon at a local church on Sunday afternoon. God moved so much throughout the service and we got to pray for people afterward.

Our last stop was Chinchilla where we did a week of outreach. We helped out in churches, schools, and did manual labor at the local Boy Scout Club House to help with repairs from the floods that hit Australia last year. While we were there, I got to hold someone's 9 month old Wallaby:) We also saw people healed of back pain!

We had a week to get ready for outreach; teams have been leaving over the past 3 days for various countries. Our team is the last to leave. Internet is not very prevelant in Vanuatu, so we've been having a difficult time communicating with the base there. We don't know exactly what we will be doing, but we will be helping out with kids ministry and church services. 2 days after arriving, we are going to go backpacking into a bush village for about 10 days.

I love that God does not change, that He is the same yesterday, today, and always; that truth gives me a place to rest in the midst of so much change. It's normally in times of immense change we grow most. If we refuse change, we refuse growth. Life is about change.

Thank you so much for all your love and support, you are so much a part of what God is doing here.

Pictures:

Top right: preaching in Toowoomba

Top left: date to the city with Nele

Bottom: team Vanuatu

growth.

As of this week, we are about half way through the DTS, it's hard to believe. I feel like so much has happened during my time here, so much growth.

Growth is such an odd thing. When you're growing, it's so difficult to see the changes on a day to day basis, especially inside yourself. Sometimes it's easy to point out growth in others, but when it comes to ourselves, we are blinded. In order to see growth, we usually need someone else to point it out or we can look way down the line at our old self and compare it to the self we see today. I love that only God has the power to make things grow. 1 Corinthians 3:7, "so neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." Growth seems to happen when we feel stuck, when we think we aren't learning anything or that God just forgot about us. Normally, those are the times we seem to grow most...funny how life works like that:)

So today, as I look back on the garden that was planted 3 months ago, I'm presently surprised by the growth of the plants. In the beginning, it was only a bed of dirt, waiting to be cultivated and planted, now there is so much fruit, so much goodness coming from it. As I look back on my own journey over the last 3 months, I see growth, even though it was difficult to spot on a daily basis, people have helped point it out to me. I am beginning to see the fruit of what God was doing, even when I didn't feel like anything was happening and He had forgotten that I still needed to grow. Paul says in Philippians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I celebrate the growth today, but I'm also confident there is more to come and Jesus is not finished with me or you:)

Do you see growth in your own life? Is there someone you have seen grow recently who you can encourage and point it out to them?

it's not about me.

It's been so good to be on base for the past 3 weeks, I feel like I've been able to get into some sort of routine, if that's even possible in YWAM:) God continues to teach and grow us in some amazing ways, I love that He just wants us to know Him and that He will continue to reveal more and more of Himself. It exciting to me that God's character will never disappoint. We will never be able to get to the end of God and think 'that's it?' God is full of mysteries and surprises and I love that about Him. Who wants to serve a god that we could understand and wrap our minds around? No me:)

Last week, we had teaching on Lordship. The week was pretty intense to say the least, but so good. Our team was so hungry for God, so hungry for more of Him. We spent the week discussing what it looks like to make God Lord of your life. 2 Corinthians 5:14 says, "..those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for him who died for them and was raised again."

On Friday, we had a ministry day and worshiped God from 8:30am-11:30pm. We spent the day going through the Tabernacle, declaring who God is, confessing, giving, praying, anointing, and sharing communion together. The day was not about receiving, but about giving of ourselves for each other and ultimately, for the sake of the nations. In our western way of thinking, it's easy to get wrapped up in the mentality that God is a God for individuals. He does care about individuals, be His concern is for the masses, His perspective is for the nations, not just me.

This past week was about relationships. I loved the quote by C.S. Lewis:

"Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good."

There are so many broken marriages in society today. People think they can fall in and out of love, but love is not a feeling, it's a choice. It's a choice we must make at every moment of every day, not only in romantic relationships, but in every interaction.

"Every act toward other human beings is either a sacred or profane act. It either treats them with dignity or it dehumanizes them. We have no other choice."-Duane Elmer

The picture is of a Bottle Tree, probably one of the coolest species of trees in the country:) Thanks for your continued love and support, I appreciate each of you!